So if you’ve been reading my posts for long you will have noticed that the theme has been somewhat ‘eclectic’ – ranging from body acceptance, to fitness and nutritional guidance. It’s eclectic because I am quite honestly conflicted a lot of the time on this matter. First, let me say that I completely and wholeheartedly believe that the goal of exercising and eating right is to allow you to enjoy your life to the fullest and that being skinny is NOT a good goal for anyone. And I completely and wholeheartedly believe that everyone’s body is different and that we are limited by our genetics to a certain extent and that a big part of every woman’s journey is loving herself as she it.
As much as I believe this I have been really (REALLY) struggling because my body is just not getting back to it’s pre-baby size and shape. And yes, I know that I’m in my mid-forties and that I had Grace and then the twins within 2 years. I know that. And yes, I know I don’t look ‘horrible’. But at the same time, it drives me crazy that all my normal and even my extreme measures are yielding me nothing! Such as:
· Completely abstaining from sugar for 3 months
· Upping workout intensity
· Giving up Melatonin
· Consuming a probably dangerous quantity of caffeine
· Sleeping more
· Sleeping less
· Replacing meals with protein shakes
A few years ago, this would have had me lean and mean but now nothing. Now, I don’t usually talk to Tony about this because it just doesn’t go well but I finally got into enough torment and complained (bitterly) about my experience and he in his typical filter-less way suggested that I obviously have a medical issue.
I have resisted this…mostly because of believing wholeheartedly about the accepting your body, not everyone being skinny and all that stuff…but finally, I threw in the towel and went to the doctor.
Once I accepted the possibility that I might actually have a thyroid or hormonal issue impacting my weight loss I started to feel hope for the first time in a long time that maybe my goals were attainable after all. I know we have several clients my age and older who have also had kids and THEY are able to get lean and cut and awesome-looking so why not me? The doctor agreed that there is clearly something out of whack and ordered a full panel of testing for me. I practically skipped to the lab to give my precious blood and then camped out at the computer waiting to see what was wrong with me.
Later that afternoon the results came trickling in:
Every single one was normal!!!
I suspect there are not too many tantrums of the magnitude I threw about getting NORMAL test results? “THIS IS TOTAL CRAP” I shouted at Tony…”SEE? THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME. WHAT THE [bad word]!!?!?!?!?!”
So, just like that, my hopes of a raging thyroid problem were once again dashed. I was very bitter and disappointed and realized that maybe I actually didn’t believe in the whole self acceptance thing as completely as I thought. I mean I do…for everyone else, but I still don’t think I am allowed that luxury on some level. Fretting and stewing, I complained to various people about it until someone stopped me in my tracks with these words of wisdom that I want to share. She said:
“You know, I’ve spent my whole life not enjoying myself and not participating because I thought I was too fat. I’ve missed out on so much because of my weight. I hope you can get past this because your whole life can pass you by and when you’re my age I sure hope you don’t look back and realize that you wasted some of the best years of your life on something so unimportant.”
So I guess I’ll try to muster up a little bit of gratitude for my health and my family and work on believing all the way down…right behind by belly button, that the things I write about are true for me as much as I believe they’re true for you.
Now, let’s go be Limitless!